I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
