My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
