Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
