my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
