He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
