whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
