Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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