The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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