Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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