so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
