you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
