if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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