but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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