I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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