My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Your dad touched me again.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
