A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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