why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
