He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
