Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
