Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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