He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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