I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
