doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
