You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
PANTIES FOUND
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