The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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