Is it normal to miss your booty call?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
