I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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