For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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