I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
