Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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