I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
