the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
