i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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