so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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