I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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