Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
