its not stalking. its research.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
