Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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