And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
