you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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