your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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