I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
