Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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