Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
