you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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