I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
