You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
