If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
