I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
