tell your sister to shave her snatch
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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