if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
