I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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